Community

Editorial

Funny

What's new in the community? Here's a selection of comments from our members that we liked.
Said by Cvlt 2 months ago

Still gets me that people claim the Beard Battle Business is just making out though. Like, how do they not know that the beards have to be close enough to engage in fisticuffs? But the lips are touching, they say. Excuse me, but smack talk is an important part of competitive sports. Furthermore, it's a well known fact that just throwing it out there is infective, as the follicles are often wildly swinging at each other and will knock all but the most ferocious insults away. In that case, the most efficient delivery system of said smack talk is directly to your opponent, via the nearest accessible airway (ie, mouth). Making out, they say... fools who don't understand sports. 🙄

Said by Vivian 6 months ago

I only hear of him in legends. They speak of a man of herculean strength, who a single flex from can be felt from miles away. Whose body of steel is admired by the lowly public who forever wish to even have a fraction of his power.

Said by SnidePilgrimage 9 months ago

The pack encourages flex-kun, yet he still immensely regrets that first flex selfie. He only intended to send out one or two, in the hopes of attracting a mate. But Now that the community has gotten a sight of what true physique looks like, they will always yearn for more. In the discordian kingdom, you reap what you sow

Said by MilitantCow 9 months ago

There were a couple of good films about a killer who targeted a school. Prodigy as a kid, super talented, then just developed these dark thoughts. His partner got pregnant, and, the emotional strain started getting to him, and he killed most of a school. 😦 His partner died when she gave birth, but it’s ok, because his kid was luke Skywalker and he turned his father back to the light side of the force.

Said by Vivian 10 months ago

These guys jar thier own farts and sample them at a later date. takes a deep sniff "Ahhhhh, 2011, a fine vintage, it has a distinct aroma of beans, and also a slight hint of egg, but not rotten egg. A very smooth fart. I rate it 4 stars"

Said by Noctide 10 months ago

Here's the mechanics. First you dig through your historic emails to find their support address, then you send them a request. Then you roll a 1 million sided die, and if it lands on 1, then you there's a chance you might get a response within 2 months. My die did not land on 1. RNG is RNG. Then you bit the bullet and decide to grind through their shitty support website which always redirects you to Fortnite support no matter what, so your request is always out of context. But that's fine, send it anyway. Roll a 2 million sided die. If it lands, gain Funky Aura which makes you resistant to support for a minimum of 2 months.

Said by MilitantCow 10 months ago

Blows dust off of tome In the beginning, there was nothing. And it did displease the almighty Nova, so he proclaimed, “let there be a server”. And so it was. And the LORD was pleased. Then, he looked to the heavens and stormed, “let there be a buff baby”, and it was so, Michael, the Patron Saint of Feeding was created, and the LORD was pleased...

Said by Cvlt 11 months ago

It was a cold, rainy Tuesday. The kind of day May was known for. Murrie sat on his bed, staring out of the window. With a long sigh he reached over and pulled a notebook out of the nearby desk drawer. He began to write: "Dear Diary. Today my heart is as grey and dark as the the weather outside is. I lost 2 subs today... If this keeps up, I may lose my affiliate status. And then I'll be... common again." He shuddered as he wrote the last line. "They called me..." Murrie took a long pause, willing the strength to go on. "They called me babyface..." His hand drifted away from the page, and a teardrop fell, landing perfectly on his final word...

Said by MilitantCow 11 months ago

And now, the first speech by Lydia May, Prime Minister, to the assembled press and public of Great Britain, since she reached power... “... I am ‘sworn’ to carry your burdens...”

Said by Florestina 1 year ago

It was a dark story night many an eon ago in the quiet town of Ggcville. Life was good for the citizens of this town, the crime rate was low, profits were high and they were soon to celebrate a bountiful harvest. But this night was soon to change all this. Between the silence of the night and the cracks of thunder, a loud scream could be heard. This alerted the local authorities, the arbiters. The location of the noise came from the house of the one known as Audio (they knew instantly it was his house as the door was half-size). Upon entering the house, James the chief arbiter, was shocked at the site he saw. Audio was sat in the middle of the room rocking back and forth. The words "MAKE ME TALLER" were written in blood, tears were falling down his face. The arbiters were unsure what to do and decided it was best for everyone if he was locked away, so they quickly apprehended him and threw him into the darkest dog house, hiding the truth for years to come of where the little man named audio had gone. That was the end of this little story, for now.

Said by Vivian 1 year ago

Riipaa has decided to play as a wizard in the GGC. And aftrer a long long grind, he's finally able to tap into and learn his 9th level spells... He mulls over the list over and over again, before finally deciding on one he beleives will truly be useful. Looking around the chat is a bit quiet, so he thinks he could give this new spell a trial run. Riipaa takes one deep breath and utters a single word. "Welcome". No sooner than the word leaves his mouth people around him start dropping like flies, the GGC userbase numbers dwindling at a breakneck pace, and in an instant, he is the only one remaining.... "Perhaps Power Word: Kill was a poor choice" He thought to himself.

Said by MilitantCow 1 year ago

GGC Guide to PUBG Squad Wins: 1. Have one person drop late/head to the wrong marker 2. Shoot Caleb in the head 3. Don’t give DC a motorbike 4. No really, don’t give him a bike 5. Try to reason with enemies via voice BEFORE shooting at them 6. Get shot at by them 7. Try to rez Riipaa 8. Give up and leave him 9. Go back, shoot Caleb’s body again 10. Remember the circle 11. Try to run 3 miles to the circle while bandaging in the blue 12. Die an agonising death 13. Annoy/distract the remaining member of the squad 14. If they win, claim it was a great team effort 15. If they lose, say it was all their fault

Said by Alt 1 year ago

I secretly trade dank memes to Noct

Said by Vivian 1 year ago

Babies come from a stork, it's like the tooth fairy. When the mother and the father hold hands, the stork comes to thier house the following night and leaves a baby. Now we try not to leave them under the pillow like the tooth fairy.

Said by Crimson Draebles 1 year ago

The 2018 GGC Starter Kit includes a shaker of salt, a box of bandaids, a cup of noods, some instant coffee packets, an xbox controller, an overpriced graphics card, and a cardboard box you can turn into a toy. Everything is bright orange except for your nametag, which is light pink and shows your Nova-ship name. Pineapple references are expressly forbidden.

Said by Cvlt 1 year ago

Behold the mighty Vi, as she steps upon the wankerous footstool known as Murray. Her tears of joy fall from the heavens as she ascends, and her people rejoice: "Lo, it shall be a good harvest this season."

Said by Crimson Draebles 1 year ago

The Brits like to add extra vowels because they don't want the Welsh to feel totally subsumed by their English overlords.

Said by Piloter 1 year ago

Lomax, thank you for your slightly disconcerting inquiry. The state of my bladder is currently at about 89%. Nominal, but nearing an upper control limit. However, when the fill level sensor trips, I do have easy access to the appropriate facilities. Would you like to be specifically notified when I do or does this update satisfy your concern?

Said by Noctide 1 year ago

To woolen cock warmers that don't fit properly 🥃

Said by Piloter 1 year ago

Mr. Clean, the role that Jason Statham was born to play. picturing it now--movie guy trailer voice In a world....where you need all your messes erased in a minute or less.... rapid-fire montage of close-in jump-cut really violent action Tough customers. Tough stains. long low framing shot of a body leaking blood across a spotless white carpet. Drugs and guns in close background. Footsteps approaching to reveal mirror-shined combat boots. Zoom in to gradually reveal reflection. They thought of him as just a janitor. bald head, sunglasses. Bloody mop in foreground, swung in impressive martial arts kata. Jump cut outward as mop halts, expertly, into bucket. Water is chunky with fresh blood and whatever red-band-trailer gore can be had. Carpet is spotless. The sound of a heavy object rustling into a trash bag. The filth of the city would learn to call him... Stooped over, Our Hero pushes a janitor's cart out past alert Mafia-type goons, jumpsuit improbably tidy. The mop water sloshes, out of shot, and we see the heavy garbage bag sway. Mr. Clean. Coming soon. Rated R for Really Tasteless.

Said by falcorz 1 year ago

OK so, @Vivian, I'm afraid that there is a conflict of interests here, however seeing as you have found out how to make me tick I'll have to concede to you, begrudgingly. Your first wish directly interferes with my secret ~~but not so secret now and also now moot~~ plans to take over and rule the world with a cat-girl harem. Being that this is the case (and so the beautiful cat-girls already exist), enjoy your seconds 👀 The second wish you have forfeited yourself, requesting two items has shown your greed. They would have to be 2 separate wishes as you have used the word 'AND' and as you have failed to read the fine print resulting in this error I am having to inform you myself that there are no take-backs to rectify a mistake, we BaldyBeardies are very crafty after all. Your third wish? hands helicopter manual 🚁 🤗 You didn't specify instantly. Very very crafty Fuels on you btw I can however offer you 1 whole rep for your troubles.

Said by Vivian 1 year ago

rubs @falcorz head Oh great bearded one, with a shining head as radiant as the sun itself! I would like to announce my three wishes unto you, in exchange i provide many offerings of beard care products. Wish the first, I would like to be surrounded by beautiful catgirls at all times, this is truly a dream I have had for the longest of times, but the confines of reality has made it difficult to fulfill. Wish the second, I would like to have an infinite lifetime supply of cheesecake and chocolate to eat whenever my hearts desire, specially made magically wished chocolate and cheesecake where I do not gain any weight from eating it, no matter how much I eat of it. Wish the third, I wish to have the power of teleportation, the ability to transport myself or anyone I choose regardless of location to anywhere in the world. This shall make my final dream of being able to hug all my beloved GGC family a reality as well. (and i can also share my bounty of inifnite cheesecake and chocolate as well) I trust in your powers, oh great bearded one to make these wishes a reality. 🙏

Said by Vivian 1 year ago

whispers into phone Um, yes excuse me Arbiters? I'd like to report... begins to count, then slowly loses track Uh.... I'd like to report some strange people, they're doing a lot of creepy staring from across chatrooms and one of them seems to be following people and inhaling deeply. Yes, yes, I'll need you to come to the GGC ASAP, please....

Said by Noctide 1 year ago

@Unknown I grabbed a coffee and wrote a poem for your last nick The tomorrow pot of yesteryear yonder When mother asked me for some pot To cook delights tomorrow I hadn't thought to ask her "what?" I knew there would be sorrow I ventured out without a frown Her cooking makes me giddy To meet my friend within my town They made me pay tree fiddy Returning home from town so proud I showed her what I'd hunted "You idiot!" she shouted loud, "That's not the pot I wanted"

Said by Piloter 1 year ago

Stupid tech moment. Transfer of a very large file to multiple places on the secondary hard drive was going slow. Said drive is old and has its problem directories to access, I KNEW it was on the way out but CBA to clone and swap. Seeing 8K and struggles to resume convinced me it was time. 9 hours later New drive doing the same thing. Some soul and internet searching ensues. To make a long process humiliatingly short, this is when I recall that I had set the download limit from unlimited to about 8 megs a sec....except the speed limiter window was in kb/sec, into which I typed 8. Ladies and gentlemen, and this is a widely applicable public service message, check your units carefully before using them for anything significant.

Said by Raine 1 year ago

Do you like bigger bots and you cannot lie? We as your brethren cannot deny When a female organic with an extremely small hip to waist ratio walks in and positions a spherical glutius muscle towards our optical receivers, we get error. this command feature is unrecognized int he current model. Please try again. -- The Ballad of Sir MixaBot

Said by Jason 1 year ago

Meanwhile, William is oh so happy to introduce his mini me. Oh yes, this is mini Wi...Richard. Mini Richard. He's me but little. Isn't it great? Just look at him. Say hi, Mini-Richard! (William picks up mini-me's arm and makes it wave.)

Said by Vivian 1 year ago

That's what the girls do Trav, they do it to make up the difference for the dudes who wear thier pants around thier ankles. To keep the pants height average in check.

Said by Noctide 1 year ago

Rubbish, your next holiday is the launch day of Destiny 2 on PC @MilitantCow. And if it's not a holiday, then it's definitely a resurgence of man flu.

Said by MilitantCow 1 year ago

Trolls gather, and now my watch begins. I shall take no waifu pillow, hold no checkpoints, father no assists. I shall be no MVP, and win no loot. I shall live and die by my posts. I am the silence in the darkness. I am the watcher for the spam. I am the judge that burns the edgelords, the words that scold the "how do I VC?", the shield that guards the realm of GGC. I pledge my life and honor to the GGC for this night and all the nights to come.

Said by Piloter 1 year ago

No, a NONtrash community because we keep monetized narcissism in its separate little dumpster fire.

Said by Crimson Draebles 1 year ago

I love adulting. I have a choice between red vines and a grain and protein bar...so red vines it is.

Said by MilitantCow 1 year ago

In David Attenborough voice... Riipaas eyes dart around nervously, when he notices it... the fire escape, his path to exploration. He double checks that his family are looking away, and then, like a coiled spring being released, he explodes into a sprint towards the door, the wind flowing through his hair, the tempting glint of freedom... alas, suddenly the ankle bracelet begins to beep as he leaves the 5 meter radius, and BAM, tazes him, causing him to collapse to the floor... Riipaa will not taste freedom today...

Said by Vivian 1 year ago

I was told you impregnate women and men alike with your mere prescence, James. Then again it's murray who told me this information, so maybe he's just making excuses to cover up the scandalous truth. 🤔

Said by Piloter 1 year ago

Please. Zshell on a ti-85 or a hacked ti-92+, you filthy calculator casuals.

Said by Noctide 1 year ago

Ardently swirls his cursor around the screen, clicking from point to point, finding his way to the channel creation menu. As he swigs his nearly cold coffee, his winces and instead throws his mug to the side, slamming his fingers down onto the keyboard and entering the name for the new rp channel which would bring joy to many. Suddenly he coughs and dies, and the last hope of an rp channel existing was lost. But his soul lived on within Spark.

Said by Vivian 1 year ago

There's the true reason moogles aren't endangered in a world filled with deadly monsters. They actually actively hunt and devour them all.

Said by MilitantCow 1 year ago

An Ode To Falcorz's Dinky Donuts; O' woe for lack of bak'd goods, Thy sparkling sugar shining bright, The sweet taste recognised, understood, Guiding tongues towards the light, Falcorz lures us with their shine, Veiling the risks of getting fat, We wonder, why doth he tease us so? Lo', he's a bit of a twat.

Said by Jason 1 year ago

"Idiots arrested after 'Free the Bunnies' drunken fiasco. Hundreds of bunnies still on the loose in Disneyland. Mating. Mating everywhere."

Said by Vivian 1 year ago

I've legit had an american NOT know it could also be footwear. Which led to some.... interesting results of a young me claiming i wear sensual underwear.

Said by Raine 1 year ago

Hit bear with rock! Bear gets angry! ANOTHER rock! Bear still angry! Run away! Come back with another rock! - Murray's playstyle?

Said by Jason 1 year ago

Thank god they don't make me answer the phone. I volunteered, once. Thankfully, they know better.

Said by Raine 1 year ago

Jason, whenever folks used to ask what I did for a living I just said "cubicle monkey and keyboard jockey". No one but me seemed to think it was funny...

Said by Vivian 1 year ago

I beleive the earth is in the shape of a pancake, with a lovely fluffy core, and the oceans are just a maple syrup drizze. The orbit of the earth around the sun keeps the pancake in a constant warm state, ready to eat, and large intergalactic giants are just waiting for thier breakfast time to consume it.

Said by MilitantCow 1 year ago

There was once a teapot that fell out of a international plane. It plummeted 30,000 feet before smashing onto the rails of a train track, just as a freight train trundled over it. Carriage after carriage thundered past, grinding it into dust... Supposedly, as it lay there, in a billion pieces, literally as dust, the teapot thought to itself, "at least I'm not as broken as @Rosie 's sleep cycle"...

Said by Vivian 1 year ago

My mind goes interesting places when you say you had a "bad experience with zippers". I assume a decent handful of you guys may be able to share said experience.

Said by Crimson Draebles 1 year ago

Those "sidequests" are called "Discord" and "coffee"

Said by MilitantCow 1 year ago

GGC IPA, Tasting Notes; Sweaty lust, disappointment, poor hygiene, salt, the mouldy dirt that gathers under keyboard keys, energy drinks, coffee, chocolate, sleep deprivation, and an unhealthy amount of cat hair.

Said by MilitantCow 1 year ago

Small group of rogue bandits stop dead as a confused party of 32 source hunters emerge over the hill, and in a chaotic bloodbath of fire, electricity, friendly fire, and backstabs, overrun the encampment...